Every action movie has an action hero that saves the day, or attempts to most of the time. Michael Bay takes on the fourth installment in what has gone on to become an international imprint into the interstellar mind. Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and now (drumroll please)... Transformers: Age of Extinction. Before I dive into the cacophony of the most recent film, I will go on record saying that at least it has the coolest name of the four. It pains me to be truthful about this film.
Okay, deep breath, I'm ready....
The Age of Extinction is 2014's worst summer blockbuster. There, I said it. exhale.
For those Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch fans freaking out at what you are reading, bear with me. When one thinks of Transformers films the first thought is not an expectation of killer dialogue or deeply involved characters. That's no secret and if you have been looking forward to that throughout the previous three films then maybe buy a different ticket this time around. The hundreds of millions of fans around the world (mostly grown-up 80's kids) who have loved each one of Michael Bay's renditions of Hasbro's epic action figures love it for one reason and one reason only: the action. Seems obvious, right? See? I'm a smart guy. But I digress, onward!
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| Mark and Jack, watch out! |
Filling the top-billed performance as this franchise's new superstar, Mark Wahlberg himself has taken his muscles and his Boston accent alllllll the way down to Texas. He is Cade Yeager (that's pronounced "jager" to the college kids in the audience) and he works out of his barn as a picker that buys and sells things just like the guys on the History Channel. His life's work contains using his findings to construct robotic intelligence and then try to resell this for some kind of profit. He is also the incredibly over-protective father to his knock out of a daughter, Tessa (Nicola Peltz, Bates Motel). Her hunky Irish boyfriend (Jack Reynor) gets in the way and ruffles the feathers of the Wahlberg brother nobody wants to cross. There are witty jokes to be had when the daughter's new squeeze slips a kiss in front daddy but unfortunately none of that is found and when there are attempts to lighten the mood it is uncomfortable and just badly timed. Bad vibrations this time around, Marky.
Michael Bay has constructed a template with these movies. Let me be more specific... just watch the first three movies and the plot never changes, especially now. Only the character names do. The newcomers here include a conniving and brutal Kelsey Grammar (Cheers) who is truly in rare form even with his deep voice that doesn't seem to quit. Stanley Tucci (Hunger Games) plays the billionaire who mirrors an even crazier Steve Jobs and is on the verge of developing something that could break Optimus Prime once and for all and save mankind from the evils of the Transformers!
The Dinobots! How could I forget the Dinobots?! Mixing up the game are imprisoned dinosaurs that have been forcefully evolved into the prehistoric fiends that can be seen in a movie trailer near you.
There were parts, however, that even had me on the edge of my seat and it was very very cool to see a Bugotti and Lamborghini join forces with the cast. The career of Nicola Peltz will now be growing faster than Optimus Prime can transform. That can be taken to the bank. Something else that can be taken to the same bank is the check that Hasbro and Mr. Bay will be depositing because this is a phenomenon that will never die despite the quality of the movies. Mark, we still cool? I'm still a huge fan, just go back to Boston and chill out for a bit with your brothers and don't forget to say Hi to your mother for me, okay? GRADE: 5.5/10
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